i have decided
that i will be proud of and support my children no matter what.
i mean obviously. duh. but that’s a decision i have to make. to turn away from my childhood and not re-create the family i grew up.
i don’t care what my children do. i do not care.
if my children are queer, or trans, or promiscuous or don’t get high grades or have eating disorders or survive sexual assault or have abortions or abuse substances or become affiliated or sell drugs or abuse their partners or murder someone. i don’t care.
i want to still love them and support them and i damn well will find something to be proud of and make that clear. i will challenge them to heal, to possibly change ways but most of all i will hope
hope so fucking bad.
that whatever happens to them, whatever they do, that they will trust me and come to me for help. i want to be there for them in everything.
i don’t want my children to be afraid of me.
like obviously. but when you’re trying to break the cycle i think you have to state exactly what needs to happen, exactly how the world needs to be, even if it is common sense and feels redundant to say.
coz in your world, it’s something new. and that’s okay.
from the fucking heart, tho.
This really gets to me because This is what I’ve always strived for with my two kids. I hope I am breaking the cycle. I just remembered not being able to talk to my mom or dad and feeling so utterly alone.
Sometimes I trip, and make mistakes. It’s harder for me to forgive myself than it is for them to forgive me.
I want so much to respect them, who they are, who they came to be. The word “love” in the english language doesn’t seem to be big enough.